My hero

Really, there is no intro...jump right on in.

I think I would rather be hurt personally than sit back and have to watch people hurt those I love. My sweet brother Jon has had his heart torn out of his body by someone who swore to love him and who swore to never leave him.

And yet I love her. I kind of always thought that anger was the opposite of forgiveness, and that once you forgave, you felt anger no more. But I am realizing that is not true. I think the two can co-exist. A forgiveness in light of what I have been forgiven, and an anger at the inhumane injustice that is being done. To someone who would die for love. That love is rare.

I don't think that Jon sees himself as a hero. But he is to me. A champion of love who doesn't stop loving when it gets thrown back in his face. A man who is committed to compassion and seeing the poor hurting soul, when that soul has spewed hateful poison. A man who longs to know truth, no matter what that truth means for his future, even if it means being ever alone. I respect him with all of me. I don't know how such a wonderful heart was ever woven together. But I am so proud he shares my blood.

And she is my family. And I would take her back in an instant. Because he would.

Cricket in the Chimmney

How I grew up in a house of eight kids, and six boys and am a light sleeper now, I have no idea. But somehow, it happened. I wake up every morning at 5:30 AM because there is a man ( I think it is a man based on how hard he hits the pavement, but I have not gotten up to see yet) who runs every morning at that time. I wake up at the clunk-clunk of his feet hitting the pavement.

Now, I am sure you are wondering whether this is a blessing or a curse. You were, weren't you. Well, I will answer this nagging question. I am sure it will be a blessing if anyone ever breaks into my house or when I have kids and need to get up with them in the middle of the night. But it will be a curse when someone breaks into my house and my husband who sleeps so soundly doesn't wake up - then I will have to be the hero. And really, in that case, I would rather not be.

It is also a curse when you are sitting in your living room across from your friends on a couch having pleasant conversation. Everyone can tune out that cricket that chirps continuously from inside the chimney. But you cant. And you are about to go crazy.

Week Two

Oooh I love the Biggest Loser. And I love having time to watch the biggest loser. It is on right now; it is good to see people pushed so much farther than they thought they could be pushed and do so much more than they thought they could do.

And by the way - that mention of having time to watch the biggest loser wasn't lightly said. Work hasn't picked up too quickly yet, and I have been home by 6 every night. It has helped to be eased into things a little bit. Work is such a different environment from the life I was used to living. It isn't better or worse, it is just different, so it is nice to have an average amount of work to do to ease me in. I have worked for both difficult people and wonderful people thus far. I have learned already the importance of having thick skin for critiques and the necessity of giving myself grace. When asked this week was one thing I am really bad at, I said, "practice." And that is true. I enjoy doing things well the first time and knowing I am competent. I have a harder time plugging along, little by little, and embracing the necessary imperfection along the way. But with this job, there is so much to learn that I will have to give myself grace or I will be miserable.

So I am learning career lessons - about how to interact with partners, some who express their appreciation for you and some who don't, but I am also learning life lessons.

A Day Like No Other

Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 8:30 AM: My life changes. Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 5:00 PM: my life changes again. And no, this was not simply because the work hours of a day began and ended.

Life has been clever in the way it brings me important changes - they all seem to happen at once. Back in 2006, I married my love and bought a home and started law school within five weeks. This summer, I sold and moved out of my first home and bought and moved into my second home within four weeks and while studying long hours for the bar exam.

On Tuesday, I started my first "grown-up" job and found out if I passed the Missouri bar within 8 1/2 hours. Someone at the firm decided that that excitement was not sufficient. No, instead, with the bar results coming out at 5:00, we needed to have a party at 4:30 to welcome us to the firm - well intentioned, I am sure, but that meant that we found out if we passed or failed in front of over 100 attorneys whom we desperately needed to impress. And at 4:59, the wonderful (really, he is) chairman of the firm meandered over to ask about my first day. Guess who I was speaking with when I found out my results.

But the good news is that they were happy - both the first day at work and the bar results. I passed, and the firm promises to be a fabulous place to work.

Paul threw me a spontaneous celebratory party that night, and my friends and family dropped their plans to make the party. It was a great night.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I _____ You, Tomorrow.

I am not quite sure how to fill in this blank - "eagerly anticipate," "dread," "look forward to," "have no idea what to expect from," etc.

September 8, 2009, is the day I start my first real job as an attorney. And for those of you who have asked, there is no difference in the US between an attorney and a lawyer (I think attorneys like to be called attorneys because of all the "lawyer" jokes out there). Anyway, for some reasons, the Missouri firms and the bar examiners thought it would be fun to bring added stress to this new phase of life by establishing the potential for horrific humiliation in front of all our new colleagues on our first day of work. Because tomorrow, at 5pm, all the Missouri Bar candidates (including myself), will also find out if we passed the bar or not. After chaos ensues at about 4:58 pm, all the people whose name show up on the list on the Missouri Bar website will proceed to a happy hour. So of course I am left with the question - what if my name is not there.

So I wonder what tomorrow will be like - meeting a bunch of new people, taking our "professional photograph," listening to detailed instructions about how we will now be taxed at an insanely high level (thanks, Obama) - "so fill out your forms correctly," trying to obtain a rudimentary understanding of the complex phone system, beginning to practice seeing the world through six-minute increments, .... and then 5:00 will come.

Oh My.

What I Will Never Be

I had never bought a piece of furniture from a store...until yesterday, that is. After seemingly endless hours (over a period of several months) perusing craigslist for a matching couch-loveseat combo that didn't have stripes or flowers or smoke smell, and finding little, Paul and I ventured out to Nebraska Furniture Mart and bought our first piece of "store furniture" as we called it. Yes, corporate america, we have detoured from our dumpster-diving, garage sale-ing, Freecycling Selves, and have sold at least a small part of ourselves in support of you.

We decided, though, that we could save money by picking them up with our own truck and trailer, and avoid the 59 dollar delivery fee. Getting them loaded was no problem - the countless burly NFM employees who load furniture as a living swarmed our trailer and hoisted it and secured it like professionals (I guess they are). The peculiar sight, however, was my little self trying to stretch my arms (which don't stretch very far I learned) around our couch, which was wrapped in 1) cardboard 2) plastic padding 3) plastic wrap (check out the pic above to verify my story). Not only was my wingspan considerably insufficient for the project, but the plastic wrap provided a significant lack of traction for grip. But after 1/2 an hour of grunting and sweating and "stop, Paul, wait"-s, we got our new couches into our living room. The pics are of our hearth/living room - it was hard to get a good view becuase of the angle. But for what it's worth, here they are. And I just might love them.

And the fabulous thing about last night, of all of the hundreds of ways I could see myself spending my life, I have ruled out moving furniture. And for that I am grateful.

Yes, It's Here

My first blog of three months. I know, just believe it. You probably can't contain yourself right now. But lest my friends think I have forgotten them, I have returned to the world of blogging.

So much has happened in the past 3 months - life has been so crazy I couldn't breathe and is now calm and peaceful.

It started when we listed our house, expecting it to be difficult to sell, while I was studying for the bar and Paul was working. When we sold our house 6 hours later, we had not found a house and I had trouble getting away to look for houses. But Paul was fabulous (big surprise, I know) and house-shopped while I studied. Our friends were wonderful - I provided pizza and boxes and mid-bar ridiculous entertainment and they came and packed up our house.

We moved into a room that Paul set up at my parent's house. Within a week there, and after looking at 50-60 houses, we found our dream house. Ok, maybe that is a little bit of an exaggeration, but we LOVE IT HERE. It so much is "us." Hardwoods throughout kitchen and bathrooms re-done, walls knocked out to create an open feeling even though the ceilings are lower, a private backyard, a cozy sunroom, a fireplace with built-in shelves, I feel so undeserving!

A week after moving in to our house (which our friends and family also made possible. I don't know what we would have done without their help) I left for Jeff City, Mo, to take the bar. The 14 hours of testing was over before I knew it and I returned to live again. Studying for the bar was the hardest thing I think I have ever, ever done. It was hard to study so much each day knowing there was too much to learn and I could never, no matter how much I studied, "conquer" the material. I am SO thankful that is done, and hopefully I pass - I will find out one week from yesterday. If I take the KS bar in Feb, I am hoping it will be a lot less stressful!!!!!

So my recent weeks have included Table Rock Lake with the family (a lot of lake and pool fun!); a CO trip to see family and friends, which included lots of laughing; estate and garage sale-ing my little heart out to try to fill our house with goodness; "recipe-shopping" as Susan calls it; and time with family (now that we are close to them, we get to see them a lot more).

I turned 26 on Monday, and I want you to know that in honor of that big day, I decided it was time to become fashionable and so I chopped some bangs. I think I like but am still getting used to them. Pics to come. My sister's bday is two days after mine (today) and we celebrated together. Enclosed is a picture for your enjoyment.